Let’s get this party started!

When I was 16, I found out I was born without a uterus. Crazy, right? I won’t go into all the medical jargon but, basically, it is a pretty rare condition. Even more rare is the fact that nothing else is messed up, like my ovaries. (Thanks to my mom who, when the doctor said I was probably experiencing a monthly hormonal cycle, responded with “Well THAT makes sense!” Also, for those wondering, I call it my phantom period because I still get cranky, hormonal, tired, and crave chocolate, which I rarely ever like!) Because of this, our first stop in our parenting journey is exploring surrogacy. Of course, there are a lot of other factors that cause infertility so I’m not putting all of my eggs in one uterus basket. But before I get too much more into that, let’s start with some background information. 

When I first discovered this, I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and… maybe not quite a woman. While I kept it a secret because of this, there were many times that I wanted to just start telling people so that it wasn’t a thing anymore (in reality, it was only a thing to me). However, sometimes people made comments that caused me to pull back further. For example, I grew up in a fairly conservative Southern Baptist church, and one day I was talking with a man from that church about gay marriage (we have VERY different opinions on this). He said that homosexual couples were “lesser” and “inferior” because they didn’t have the biological parts needed to make a baby. Obviously, this was hard for me to hear. I mean, I also didn’t have all of the biological parts needed to make a baby. He didn’t know that, but still! Would he also think I was lesser? Was I also inferior? It sunk the shame and embarrassment deeper. (For the record, he’s wrong. The more love the world can get, the better!) But hearing things like this were emotional setbacks for sure!

On the flip side, there were other moments where I really wanted to speak up about it. For example, one time a friend said that she felt guilty for not wanting children when other people couldn’t. I wanted to scream “You should NEVER feel guilty for not wanting children just because other women can’t!” Let me just say ladies, becoming a mother is a CHOICE that should only be made by that woman. And it should ONLY be made out of the best interest for HER, HER body, and HER family. Guilt, a man, or a law should never be the decision maker behind having a child. (End rant)

It wasn’t until I told Corey that I felt like I could talk about it, even if it was just with him. Next to going up the ski lifts in Zermatt, it was one of the scariest things I’ve had to do. Would he accept me still? Would he still love me? Would he want to marry me? I won’t go into about how amazing he was when I told him, and all the wonderful nice things he said to reassure me that we would still be awesome parents, but it was a big sense of relief to say the least.  Still though, some of my closest friends didn’t know! 

Over the next couple of years, I slowly started to tell friends when the occasion arose. However, it wasn’t until the Women’s March in January 2017 that I really felt the need to speak out about it. I got really frustrated about people not understanding the purpose of the march and using it to bash abortion. Again, I strongly feel that becoming a mother is solely a woman’s choice and that no one, especially people who will never be in that position to have to make a hard choice, should be dictating what women do with their bodies. I used that as a chance to share a tiny bit of my story. 

Before I posted it, I was terrified. What would people say? What would they think? Do I even care at this point? And the answer was: People would reach out with extremely encouraging words of love and support and no, I didn’t really care if anyone had anything negative to say anyways! It was a very freeing moment. From that moment on, I tried to talk about it when it came up, instead of awkwardly changing the subject. It took awhile for it to feel natural but it was worth it. I think a lot of friends and family still feel a little uncomfortable asking about it so that is why I’ve decided to openly share our journey to parenthood. I kept it a taboo topic for too long and I want all of our friends and family to be part of this exciting time. Corey and I have had several wonderful child-free years but last year, we decided that 2020 would be the year of the baby! We are both in a very healthy mindset about starting this process. I no longer feel feelings of shame or embarrassment. I used to question God about this, but knowing my love for wine and my habit of getting extremely anxious over every little thing, I now believe that God knew what he was doing. He knew I wouldn’t be able to give up wine or Lexapro for 9 months. And for that, I am grateful! 

So now that it is officially 2020, it’s time to start making babies….err…well you know what I mean! Our first stop is a consultation with the Center for Surrogate Parenting this week. I’ll let you know how it goes!