Our First Loss

Hello! Thank you for patiently waiting for the next update. I was hoping that in a week or so I could announce that we were expecting a precious little baby in September. In fact, today would have been the start of the second trimester. Unfortunately, that is no longer the case. Here’s what happened:

Right before Christmas, we transferred a gorgeous embryo. The doctor said it had thawed perfectly and looked great. We went to lunch with our surro and her husband beforehand, and hung out in the parking lot with her husband during the procedure. Then we waited patiently….or not so patiently, really. Five days post transfer, she sent a picture of a positive pregnancy test! Each day after that, for about 7 days, the line just got darker and darker so we were VERY hopeful! She went in for her HCG level test and her levels were through the roof! She was VERY pregnant! A few weeks later, we all went for the heartbeat confirmation. We’re not allowed in (darn Covid) but we facetimed during the appointment and heard the best sound ever, a beating heart! Doctor said everything looked good! We were set to go back in two weeks for another ultrasound and if everything looked good, she would “graduate” from Shady Grove and use her regular OBYGN for the duration of the pregnancy. Well, two weeks later at the 8 week scan, we discovered that we lost the baby. Our doctor believes it stopped growing shortly after the first ultrasound. That was the longest day ever. In the surrogacy process, there are a lot of people involved. The first phone call was from our surro, and we lamented together. Then our doctor called, then our nurse, then our counselor, then our lawyer, and then our case manager. It was a day full of grief, phone calls and condolences, which is stressful, especially for someone who doesn’t like any of those! 

To say that we were (are?) devastated is an understatement. Miscarriages are so common, especially within the first eight weeks, but it doesn’t make it any easier or less sad. Our doctor said that most miscarriages happen between 6 and 8 weeks. His exact words were “We’re excited at the 6 week scan but hold our breath for the 8 week scan, and THEN we can really celebrate.” Good to know moving forward! 

The silver lining is that our surrogate responded perfectly to the pregnancy. My biggest fear was that something would happen that would result in us having to be re-matched. We’ve created a wonderful relationship/friendship and even our doctor loves our relationship. He has rearranged his schedule multiple times just to make sure that he’s been available for our procedures. He has stated multiple times that he feels very invested in our journey. A little back story: Our surro was working with him before we were matched. So we both had been seeing him for some time before our agency matched us so he was very excited to learn that we would all be working together! He is super confident that everything will work out in the end, and I am holding on to that confidence. 

While it obviously took some time to wrap our heads around the fact that we wouldn’t be having a baby in September, we have accepted it and are now looking forward to the next round. It will be a while before we try again because our surro has to heal and recover, and her health is the most important thing right now. Once everything is back on track, we’ll try again! We’re confident that together, we’ll bring a little, chubby baby into this world, but for now, we practice patience. 

Thanks for the continued love and support!